I’d like to disclose something to you today.

I haven’t always been clear and discerning.

In fact, for quite a few years I had an internal battle between the part of me that was SO CLEAR about what I do, why I do it, and the importance of my work, and the part of me that was a scared little girl who wanted to avoid my decision-making power.

I was called to do this work in a big way when I was trained as a diversity coach in my corporate role, helping people to work well together despite the social distance. I fell in love with coaching and the transformational power of creating new awareness.

At the same time, I began to recognize something that I felt was ‘off’ about the way people were working in corporate (especially me!). We were working A LOT. And I personally was hustling from one thing to the next to the next without a lot of presence. I wasn’t enjoying each step of the way — in fact, in truth, I wasn’t even there for it, I was on to the next thing already in my mind

My coach training, followed by extensive work with Landmark Education, had helped me discover this gap. And I knew I was committed to something different. I knew, with every cell of my being, that who I am BEING matters more than what I am DOING. And I could see that I, and others, were missing so much of life by DOING first.

My whole goal when starting my business was to create my own work environment that allowed me to trust this way of operating and enjoy being present.

Yet when I actually started my business, I wasn’t all ‘Zen Jen’ about it, to say the least. I was in a foreign territory, and all of my ego’s defensive came up loud and proud.

And by the way, this still happens for all of us when we go to a new level.

So it’s no surprise that, even though in my own mind and heart I was committed to cultivating a peaceful and present energy in my business, six months in I found myself on a webinar training with a ‘marketing expert’ for coaches… and the very first message on the webinar went like this:

I’m not even joking, this was the opening message.

Can you see how OPPOSITE that was from my reason for starting a business?

Now, you would think that I would immediately be turned off by this and run away.

But as I said at the start, I haven’t always been clear and discerning.

So even though I KNEW and I CONSCIOUSLY THOUGHT, “Wow, this lady is not for me,” my ego-mind got hooked. I began to wonder, “What if I’m wrong?” which was an old and tired story in my life.

And suddenly I literally couldn’t NOT know what it was that she had to say.

So I bought her program. And the next one. And the next one. And before you know it, I was a star student of this person.

Now, this was a super-smart person who I learned so much from, and I will never not give credit for that. I tried things I may not have otherwise tried, and my business did indeed grow – A LOT.

But I sacrificed MUCH internally to do so.

And the truth is, I gave my power away to her. Again and again and again.

And she was more than happy to take it.  

From publicly shaming people in our mastermind who ‘made a mistake’ to rewarding and highlighting people who did it her way (at all costs), she conditioned us that she knew more and we must listen.

I could tell you cringe-worthy stories of ways I, and others turned our power over to the all-knowing guru. (She once told me I was thinking with my vagina!

And here’s the thing, it was simply the norm. And that made it tough to discern.

Energetically I felt it, in the same way, I felt that the culture of the corporate world was ‘off’. I saw that the most successful in our community were either the most insecure or even physically unhealthy, giving up sleep, or seemingly depressed over being made wrong all the time.

And no one was ever more successful than the leader.

I could see this clearly, because seeing energy clearly is my gift, yet I didn’t leave.

Because that part of me that was conditioned with “What if I’m wrong?” secretly loved being told what to do. I didn’t have to risk my own heart when I was taking my direction directly from her.

Never mind that I was giving up the ESSENCE of who I came here to be, most of the time, to keep up that arrangement.

I chose safety.

Until I didn’t.

Until it became abundantly clear that it was time for me to believe myself.

And when I made a new choice, I could see so many things clearly.

Yet it took me a good two years to detox the old energy from my field and from my business. I could see how there were things I agreed to with her, that I had let my clients agree to with me — that I had let my clients believe I had an answer that they didn’t have. That I would be able to show them what they couldn’t see.

And here’s the deal. In some ways that is true. I am an expert at seeing the energy and discerning patterns that are out of alignment with truth. It is in my design, and it is my gift. (Maybe it’s your gift too?)

And that is great, and people can buy that skill from me, and then some (I’m amazing at making the energy practical).
But that is VERY different than allowing people to defer their power to me. And I had to get clear that I was no longer available for that.

This is codependence.

I was raised in codependence. It was all I saw growing up. Manipulation. Loss of power. Victim mindset. And while I had healed A LOT of it, I also felt perfectly comfortable in that dynamic for a long time. We cling to that old safety when we are faced with new growth.

And it is no surprise this is happening – the way we were trained to relate to work is to defer our power to a company. We learn to manipulate as infants (I cry, you feed). Never mind if you add family dysfunction to the mix!

But the entire premise of coaching is that we are here to serve others as they claim their own power. We should be the one place where the energy is clean. Where we hold love and compassion for others while seeing them as whole and complete and infinitely wise.

I’ve seen so many AMAZING clients get hooked into a codependent pattern with their business. And I mean, they are amazing.

So I want to suggest that it could be happening for you too. Whether you are wanting more for your clients than they want for themselves, or you fear that you won’t be ok without closing that client, or that they won’t be ok without you, or you think you have to be working non-stop for your offerings to be valuable, or you won’t succeed without that coach in your corner, or you won’t succeed if you follow your own path, or… I could go on and on.

But, great news! There is an antidote to sneaky codependent patterns.

I call it becoming Sourced™!

I took my power back and transformed the energy in my business, and you can too! I learned to trust my intuitive knowing, my Sourced™ guidance, and it has led me to know so much of my right direction on my own, and guided me to the support I need when I need it with clarity and discernment.

You CAN work with fabulous clients you love, who are every bit as fabulous as you. They can deeply know their own heart, and still totally value the brilliance you bring forward.

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