This may feel obvious but I’ll start here. At the start of COVID, I pulled the trigger on the brand I’d been percolating called Sourced. I knew there was a second book in me and it began to form more fully at that time. When I launched it just over 9 months ago, I energetically set something in motion that would not be denied. A new version of me that could hold and carry the mission of this work in a new way. Without knowing it, I set in motion energy that completely changed the landscape of my life.

However we may be tempted to control the future, the present moment is always where life is happening. It shapes the future, but all we need to know about the future is available in the present moment if we are paying attention. We don’t have to understand it or micromanage the steps, we only need to trust the knowing. Our brain will still want to micromanage! How quickly can you notice this and let it go?

My marriage ended this year. Even though I couldn’t make sense of it logically, the energy in the moment told me everything I needed to know. In Shift the Field I write about the “time stands still moments.” Those moments really are filled with divine knowing, that we choose to call forth or ignore. Trust the moments. Let go of understanding the implications of your knowing.

My dear friend and I each went through similar experiences energetically this year (while vastly different). One of our reflections was about the way these invisible guideposts shape our life (she calls them ‘fences’). Fences can show up as appointments on our calendar that invisibly influence the way we show up in the moment. E.g. “I can’t start that project right now because I am traveling next week.” Or, “I won’t know if I can do X until I know about Y.”

Fences are also societal guidelines for where we “should” be, or what we “should” do. When contemplating the ending of my marriage I became painfully and surprisingly aware that I was operating with all kinds of fences about the age by which we “should” be happily settled down – even though I help people of all ages to create lives based in freedom!!

I knew I would miss many things about my former partnership, but I also felt a lightness in being on my own. It only got heavy when I got concerned about how I was measuring up to the invisible fence!

I really have a knack for envisioning a new future. It is my “recognition magic” for those who have taken the Sourced Magic Quiz, and it’s how I’ve made my way to being a successful entrepreneur. There were particular tools and approaches I used to create outcomes that have lost their allure. As I like to say, I’ve already explored that path thoroughly. Because my prior vision I had for myself and my ex and our life together did not come to pass in reality, I will admit it is currently challenging to envision tangible things. I know this will transform as I continue healing.

That said, the gift in this is that I’ve come to understand that our “goal setting” doesn’t really happen through our vision boards or a vivid description of the life we want (though that is one clear path). It happens in “the field.”

The seed is planted energetically through intention and a receptive relationship with Source. We can allow the “goal to be set” in our beingness and trusting of Source, even without a clear seeing of what is being planted. I know this. I know my path is in motion even though I don’t have a conscious knowing of what it will look like. I know it.

Last summer, THE DAY AFTER my ex started her affair (which I only learned months later), I was stung by a bee – ON MY EYE. She and I were on a bike ride. On the ride, she asked me to take her picture, which was unusual. I was usually the one interested in photos. I thought it odd but couldn’t place why. Then the bee sting.

Because I am a believer that everything is Sourced, I got curious. I began to ask myself as I swelled like a balloon (out and also to her), “What is it that I’m not seeing??”

Later when I was given the information I needed to have a clear picture of what was going on, I put the pieces together of the absolutely PERFECT timing of mother nature’s intervention. Because an affair was somehow not in my awareness I didn’t quite get the message, but I was SO CLOSE. Signs guided me through the rest of the summer and fall, I have countless examples, and to a place of deeper knowing.

Now, here is where it gets deep, tricky, and profoundly Sourced. While my human was very mad about what happened (see above), and I still am at times, and it is completely valid if you feel angry on my behalf right now (thank you)… the experience of betrayal was a clear part of my divine curriculum for healing and growth.

The anger and rage that came with the experience were emotional states in my physical being that was ALREADY THERE. The experience of betrayal in the last nine months actually allowed me ACCESS to the betrayal, and accompanying anger and rage, that “little Darla” experienced and buried. As I began to process the experience (with amazing Sourced support), I was able to uncover the previously denied emotional and energetic feelings of betrayal, anger, and rage from childhood events, and heal them at the root.

I had been betrayed countless times as a child by people who were supposed to protect me. Having an experience like this as an adult was inevitable in order for me to allow myself to process those stuffed feelings so I could grow. (Note: this doesn’t excuse the behaviors or negate the impact). What would change if you could see life this way?

I am trusting someone needs to hear this. When someone in our life does something that hurts us, we can be 100% clear with them about the impact on us without letting the energy of what happened to consume us. In fact, it is spiritually right to hold them accountable to the Truth and allow them to experience the consequence of their actions.Anything else is a spiritual bypass.

However, we don’t have to continue to be angry to make sure they know how wrong they were! That only hurts us. (And spiritually nothing is actually wrong).

This year I’ve now understood that while my spiritual self can see the beautifully divine curriculum and spiritual growth involved in this journey as perfect, my human self can still move in the energies of hurt and anger.

The most challenging part of healing this year has been navigating these two experiences. My spiritual self wants to be in joy, freedom, and gratitude. My human self has wanted to be punishing.

But there is another option: to respond appropriately to the energy. To be clear with my ex that what she did is not OK, and that it hurt me deeply, while also being able to let go internally of feeling angry or resentful, and choose inner freedom. (I’m not 100% perfect at this, but it’s a distinct possibility now!) Being able to hold both things has been a leadership lesson that has trickled into the way I lead my team in a beautiful way.

I needed A LOT of time this year for myself and my healing journey. Between betrayal, COVID, divorce, and a surprising home repair, I was significantly less present in my work. I leaned into my team and personal support structures. I opted not to market at the same level I would have in prior years (I canceled an entire partner launch which has been my main strategy for years).

And yet, everything flowed beautifully in our client work, and we magically connected with the clients who want to become more Sourced this year. Do you trust this is available for you? People often defer their own healing or support until they get everything else in order. But life supports your ebbs and flows. In fact, it is NATURE to ebb and flow. Let yourself ebb and trust the flow.

Having less space in my life for “creating new stuff” has allowed me to really lean into that which I’ve already created. It is good. It is so supportive. It is enough. I know enough. I can show up and hold what I’ve already created with a new audience and know that it will hold them energetically in the most beautiful way.

In what way is that true for you, too?

As my defenses came down this year, because I was quite simply defenseless against the grief that overtook me, I got to work my muscle of receiving. And, in fact, I would even say, to Point #1 on our list, that birthing the work of Sourced required me to open up to greater receptivity to be this spokesperson.

My (unarticulated) commitment to being receptive also required that I be RECEIVED. I’ve come to believe that receiving and being received were both challenging energies for my ex. As I aligned with the capital T Truth that I Am Received, and I became more and more Receptive, our energies had to part ways.

In our world right now we are very present to the energy of war. In Ukraine. Against COVID. And so much more. What if the best way to shift the energy on the planet from that of war were for each of us to see and acknowledge and validate the war within us? To bear witness to the part of us that feels defenseless and in need of protection. To the part of us that views others as in need of protection and therefore causes us to step into the energy of war.

How can we be truly receptive to all of these parts of ourselves, and others, without resistance so we can transmute the energy of war? To entrain with peace?