Saying No Without Making It Wrong

Saying No Without Making It Wrong
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

 

November 2, 2021

Can you say no, without making someone or something wrong? 

 

I’ve been noticing this phenomenon. First, I saw it in myself because I decided to say no to something, which was a big decision in my life. As I mentioned in my last video about trusting the energy energetically, I knew it was wrong for me. 

 

I knew I was a no, and other people thought I should be a yes and tried to talk me into all the reasons why this yes was a good thing.  Here’s what I watched happen. Instead of just saying no and moving on, I found myself saying no and then expending a whole lot of energy, thinking about it, analyzing it, and asking myself, did I do the right thing? 

 

Others felt like I should say yes, and I felt like I had to find reasons they were wrong so I could feel good in my No. Think about a time when you’ve done that. Maybe it’s an opportunity that you don’t want to take; maybe you’re stepping back from a role, and you know, that’s what’s right for you. But to give yourself permission to say no, you start to analyze all the reasons that that role is wrong. Or that that situation never served you anyway. 

Instead of just saying no and moving on, I found myself saying no and then expending a whole lot of energy, thinking about it, analyzing it, and asking myself, did I do the right thing? 

Here’s what happens when we do that. We bring all this negative energy into our experiences of the past. Just because something’s a no for you now doesn’t mean all of the choices that you’ve made were wrong. 

 

There was a time I was working with a coach who helped me so much. It was an awesome experience, and I learned so much. And then I got to the point where I just knew it was complete. I knew what I needed from that person I had gotten and that staying wasn’t serving me anymore, even though it was amazing. 

 

The tendency I noticed was to find more and more reasons why it didn’t work well or why I was right and then make the other person wrong. 

 

It wasn’t because I wanted the other person to be wrong. It was because that was the only way I knew how to leave. You can only leave when it becomes toxic, and you can only leave when there’s something wrong.  

it wasn’t because i wanted the other person to be wrong. it was because that was the only way i knew how to leave. you can only leave when something is toxic, and you can only leave when there’s something wrong. 

Can you think of a place where that’s happened for you? If so, journal about that. What was the cost of going in and making it wrong? Can you go back now and shift the energy about something in the past? Can you go back now and make it right? 

 

If you can’t think of something, pay attention this next week because I started to see it in lots of little places. How much time and energy are you spending making things wrong? And what is that doing to your energy field to be in that space?

What was the cost of going in and making it wrong? Can you go back now and shift the energy about something in the past? Can you go back now and make it right? 

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