Selfish vs. Generous
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

Welcome to my training series on the Old Tired Path. I will be reviewing the most common Old Tired Paths among heart-centered service-based entrepreneurs who are putting themselves out there and committed to transformation in the world and raising the planet’s consciousness by guiding people to be more aligned with their truth. 

The truth is that we are all Sourced, and we are all divine beings with a purpose. When we live in alignment with our Sourced energy, or who we came here to be, we come alive and magnetize the results we want. When we live Sourced, we live life in flow rather than fear. Life becomes Sourced, not forced. 

The Old Tired Path is an energy pattern that we have as default energy that we experience life through. It keeps us stuck, shuts down possibilities, and prevents us from living our most Sourced life. The first Old Tired path was one of the first I became aware of. I recognized it before I even had a phrase for this energy pattern. 

Selfish vs. Generous

Take a minute to tune in. Does the thought of being selfish or being perceived as selfish make you cringe? Does your stomach contract? Do your shoulders hunch over? Does this happen at the idea of someone thinking of you as selfish?

Let’s break it down. I remember early on in my transformational journey; when I was first learning about how my way of being was affecting my life results, I was terrified of being perceived as selfish. I remember my mom talking about people who put themselves first. 

There was a woman I used to babysit for who I loved to hang out with. She was so present and there for me. My mom would say things that suggested that the way that woman was doing life was not okay. She wasn’t constantly cleaning or tending to her family like my mom was. I learned that whatever you do, don’t be selfish. I still remember my mom saying, “I do everything for you kids!” This was a common phrase heard in my house. I learned selfish is bad and doing everything for other people (being generous) is good. I committed myself to never being selfish; therefore, I was always doing everything for others. 

After I started working with and studying transformation, I noticed that my commitment to being generous, or rather my interest in being/looking generous, made me selfish anyway. 

Let me explain. When you live on the Old Tired Path, whether or not you are trying not to be selfish or trying to be generous, it all ends with the same outcome. It’s all the same energy.  

Before becoming an entrepreneur, I never wanted to be or look selfish. I would say yes whenever someone asked me to do something. Whether volunteering for a cause or accompanying someone to an event, I felt like I couldn’t say no because they would feel bad or wouldn’t like me. So I would say yes. 

Here is what would happen. When I said yes to everything, I would get sick or overwhelmed to a point where I couldn’t manage,  or something would go wrong. It would completely break down. I would frantically need to ask for help to meet my commitments; I would say no last minute, not do a good job, and ultimately let people down.  

Even though I was working from this place of trying to be generous, I would be selfish anyway. Being selfish vs. being generous is only one example of the Old Tired Path and all the same energy. When you try not to be something, you manifest it in your life. 

I lived with the filter of; you cannot be selfish; you have to do everything for others to be a good person, and if you ever do anything for yourself, you are a bad person. I had the filter instilled in me where I judged and assessed everything from a place of selfish vs. generous. I was not free.

A good transformational leader can create an experience where their client becomes present to their Old Tired Path. I teach how to facilitate this experience with my clients at Sourced. Our clients become present to the impact of this path and understand that this path was inherited. I avoided being selfish and was selfish anyway. My mom most likely learned that in her childhood too. 

The truth is it is not the truth. When I got present to my Old Tired Path, and it was validated, I had another choice. When I became willing to step off my Old Tired Path, I got to ask myself this question: If my Old Tired Path did not exist, who would I get to be instead? 

Another way I love to ask this question – If you went to another planet where the concepts of selfish and generous did not exist, what would that make available to you? That is the new energy that comes when you step off the Old Tired Path.

Take a moment, take a few breaths and ask yourself – if selfish and generous were imaginary, what would be available? Who would you get to be?

Words that come to mind with me are joyful, playful, free, and I felt spontaneous and alive.  

What’s your version? What’s the new Sourced energy off the Old Tired Path that comes alive for you?