Stop Controlling and Start Leading

Stop Controlling & Start Leading
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

 

December 1, 2021

Are you ready to stop controlling and start leading? I want to share a concept with you that I teach, that when we can integrate this, it makes a huge difference.

If you think you’re not a leader because you only do one-on-one work with your clients, I want you to consider that you are leading your client to the outcome they desire.

So first of all, you’re a leader, even if you only do one on one work.

However, if you want to reach more people, work lighter and not do all the things outside of your zone of genius, you need a support team.

 

Control vs. Leadership
When you’re assigning tasks to your team, it will be so much more effective if you lead rather than control. The thing that gets in the way of most people’s leadership is the idea of control. Think about delegating a task to a team member, for example.

Do you assign the task, or do you assign the task with instructions and require three check-ins before the task is due?

We’re constantly in this place of wanting to control what happens in the future, and we do that based on strategies that we learned in the past. This is what I call default energy.

We’re constantly in this place of wanting to control what happens in the future, and we do that based on strategies that we learned in the past. This is what I call default energy.

Default Energy

Default energy is based on strategies we used in the past to survive life and stay safe. Typically, by employing these same ways of being and thinking, we believe we can control how things will go in the future.

It might look like you’re delegating something, but when you try to control everything about how it happens, then you’re not actually free.

So the default energy patterns that we have and make us feel like we are in control of what’s happening are automatic and probably not based on truth.

At the very least, the last year and a half have shown us that we are not in control.

Leading from a Place of Power

Traditionally, when we think about power, we think of having power over which can sound like control. I feel like I’m in power when I have control over how things go or how people act. etc.

At the very least, the last year and a half have shown us that we are not in control. Congratulations if you’ve allowed this last year and a half to influence you into becoming more present and trusting how you feel called to lead in the moment.

My Definition of Power

To be powerful is to speak your core truth and receive what comes. I also like to say to be powerful is to be your authentic self and receive what comes. This belief is the opposite of control.

The reason we don’t speak our truth is that we’re fearful of what might come.

Little T Truth & Capital T Truth

In my book, Shift the Field, I talk about the concepts “Little T Truth” and the “Capital T Truth”. The Little T truth is based on a lie or some interpretation you had about life. Somewhere along the way, you decided you had to behave a certain way to get love, respect, and to be safe, and it is not your Capital T Truth.

Your Capital T Truth comes from the truth of who you are and how you are meant to express yourself in this lifetime, and it is your Sourced energy.

If you can speak from a Sourced place or your authentic self, put your truth out in the world, then you need to be willing to receive what comes.

The truth is, when you live your truth like this, people are going to have all types of responses to you. Now, a lot of times when I’ve distinguished this on retreat with people, people are afraid of what might come. Please think about this. The reason we don’t speak our truth is that we’re fearful of what might come.

We’re afraid receiving what comes looks like a negative consequence to who we are. Somewhere in the past, we received a negative result in response to who we were, so we’re carrying that belief or default energy forward.

For example, the thought is, I want to keep my job, so I better tone down my opinion and give people what they want because I don’t want to lose my job.

Is your job worth toning down who you are?

If so, that means you’re not leading from a place of power.

But that’s not necessarily true today. As long as you’re willing to receive what comes as a result of who you are, then you’re in your power, and what comes from might be more significant than you ever imagined.

The reason we don’t speak our truth is that we’re fearful of what might come.

Sourced Leadership

People feel, sense, and respond to the frequency of truth and alignment. If what you’re saying, who you’re being, and what you’re doing are all synced up, then there’s no disharmony present. Those are the people that we want to follow. That is authentic leadership, and that is leading from your power.

When you are holding back on your truth, trying to figure out how to maneuver to get a particular outcome, you’re out of your power, and now you’re controlling and not leading. When you’re genuinely willing to be fully authentic in the moment, that’s true leadership.

Also, consider that receiving what comes might be some people vibrating right out of your field. They could be like, I’m not really up for that, I can’t handle that, I don’t want that, and it doesn’t interest me. We have to be willing to receive that outcome. On the flip side, you are going to see people, clients, team members, affiliate partners, advocates, friends, lovers vibrate into your field because your truth resonates. They want more of that, and they want to follow your lead.

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