What can you say without words?
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich
“I’ve been a cheerleader. I’ve been asking the questions. I can’t turn off the coach in me. But none of that was relevant. There was nothing to ask. There was nothing to say. There was nothing to do. And in those moments where there was nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing that could be communicated but love, but energy. Those were the most important conversations I’ve ever had in my life. I wasn’t trying to get anywhere. I wasn’t trying to do anything. And I wasn’t trying to make anything happen. I just wanted to be present and communicate love.”
How much can you communicate without any words?
This is what I want to speak into today, and I have a vulnerable share that I think is really going to illustrate this and be compelling for you. Bear with me.
First, I’m Darla LeDoux, I’m the founder of Sourced™, and I’ve recently developed a new framework for thinking about how Source works through you. And it’s called Your Sourced™ Magic. There’s a quiz; you can find out about it in the comments. https://sourcedexperience.com/quiz
The reason I mention this is I have been immersing in this study in the last few years of how I can personally connect with and be guided by spirit, but also how do I bring Source into the relationships I have with my clients, with my joint venture partners, et cetera. And it’s totally changed the landscape of how I think about my business and how I do business. And yet, it’s not really an easy shift to make, to trust our energy, to trust how we show up as an expression of Source to do 90% of our work. And the actual hard work we do is a small fraction of the overall way we spend our time. And one of the ways that you can really increase this muscle of trusting that, so you can ultimately work lighter as a lightworker on this planet, is to trust that you can communicate without words.
Here’s my story of where I really got to experience this so potently this year – last year in 2020. It was March of 2020. I was hosting a virtual retreat—one of those retreats that was originally meant to be live. We had a venue booked, people had booked their flights to come to California and retreat with me, and just a week, week and a half prior to this retreat, I really knew that without knowing any more about the pandemic, it didn’t feel right for me to have people fly and come in. And so I had turned my retreat virtual, and my clients are amazing, and they rolled with it, and we got phenomenal results. And in fact, we’ve been getting phenomenal results with virtual retreats. If that’s something that is in your mind, definitely reach out to us, but I digress.
Here I am leading this retreat and holding the space.
And I know you know what I’m talking about because you probably do this in some way in your business too. Where you know, people are really shifting their energy, and it’s taking a lot from you for you to hold it that firm container for them. Now, the better you are at it, the easier it is. I’ve done this for more than 10 years, yet I’m there, I’m present, I’m with the clients in this experience.
Between day two and day three, I get a call from my mother, and my brother had OD’d, and he was in the hospital. Now, my brother is 15 years younger than me. I was 15 when he was born, which meant I was his caretaker a lot of the time. My mom worked nights, so I would take him with me to basketball practice, and I would cook dinner and all of that. My brother is just really special to me, and we’ve had this bond since he was born.
He’s in the hospital on life support, I’m in the middle of a retreat, and I’m in the middle of a pandemic. And so I’m contemplating, What do I do? Do I fly home? Can I do anything? And just being present with all of my emotions around this. It’s overnight during the retreat. A few hours later, I get another call that the doctors have said, “He’s not going to live.” They’ve never seen anyone come back from this. Pretty sure he’s not going to make it. And by the next morning, my mom was there in the hospital.
Think about this. She couldn’t visit because of COVID. She wasn’t allowed in the hospital until they basically said, “He’s not going to make it.” They let her in and had her sign the papers, do not resuscitate, and sign papers to donate his organs. This was on a weekend.
Here I am about to lead my next day of my retreat, and my brother’s dead.
He’s signed over; they’re donating his organs. My little brother, who I helped raise until I went off to college, gone. I am, as you might imagine, a hot mess. Crying and crying and inconsolable, really. But I got to get it together to come back to this retreat and to hold this space. And I was able to do that with the support of spirit because I’ve done so much of this work that I know spirit can work through me, even if I’m not at my best, which is so freeing. And also the support of my team; my lead coach, Julie, was on the call with me, and I let her know what was going on. And she took the first session of the day and gave me some space to process and be able to be present.
Get off the retreat, close that out, and again, I’m back to: do I fly? Do I go? Do I say goodbye? Is there a funeral? What would that look like? Is it a virtual funeral? How could we do that? All of these things coming up for me. And that was kind of where I left it. I went to bed. I’m like, there’s nothing I can do. There’s nothing I can do. And by the way, I even wrote about this in my first book.
This relationship with my brother has had a long history for me. He called me really despondent the first time I was about to go to a networking event for my business. That’s what I wrote about in my book. Fast forward, the first time he overdosed, I was across the world in Africa and wasn’t able to be there. I couldn’t have made it back, and I had to do again, some more processing and healing around this relationship and my role and my feeling of responsibility around him.
The day that I moved into what I thought was at the time, my dream house on the water, which was a vision that I had wanted to fulfill so much. The day I moved in, my brother moved into a homeless shelter. Here I am moving into my dream home, and my brother’s moving into a homeless shelter. You can start to see these ties. And now we’re in a pandemic. All these things are happening. I was about to move, by the way, during all of this. A week after that happened, about 10 days, I was scheduled to move to a new state. All of these things happen, and they’re tied.
Next day, day after the retreat, I’m contemplating flying, all of these things, and I get a call and my brother woke up.
He woke up.
He came back from wherever he had been. And there he was alive. Nobody could believe it. Something to do with having him iced down so they could preserve his organs somehow helped him to be able to live through this. And here he was, he was back, and he’s on a ventilator of all things in the time when there’s a shortage of ventilator. That’s a whole other story. But he literally came back to life. And celebration. But we’re left with all of these mixed emotions because here’s someone who maybe didn’t want to live, and there’s all of these people who want to live, who are being faced with their mortality. And here’s someone who, all means didn’t want to live, and he’s back to life.
I want to circle back to my point. And there’s so many lessons I’ve learned here, and there’s so much I’ve learned about relationship dynamics, energy dynamics, how my energy is tied to his or has been tied to his and this long history of wanting more for him, seeing the best in him, wanting more for him in a way that maybe he doesn’t want for himself. And so I’ve done a lot of healing around that and places where, with my clients, with my business, with my wife, where I’ve wanted more for someone than maybe they want for themselves.
But he came back. Of course, as soon as I can and get them on the phone, how are you? He’s groggy, but he’s there. He’s there. And he’s going through this recovery process and recovery process. Recovery process from all of his organs that shut down and purging off of this medication that he’d been on for his mental health, getting new medication, dealing with his addiction, all of these layers of healing that he’s needing to go through. And I’m calling and I’m checking in and I’m supporting. And one of the things that happened is in this process, his medications got all out of whack. That’s the only way I can think to explain it. As he’s coming back to life, he’s out of whack.
And I would call him and he really couldn’t communicate. He really couldn’t carry a train of thought. Really. And those quite honestly are some of the best conversations with him that I feel I’ve ever had.
Some of the best conversations I’ve ever had were not happening in words.
And I can still be present to that feeling and that experience. And what’s really, really interesting is kind of his whole life, because he’s struggled with addiction, obviously for a while. I’ve been a cheerleader. I’ve been asking the questions. I’ve been, can’t turn off the coach in me. But none of that was relevant. None of that was pertinent. It wasn’t going to go anywhere. There was nothing to ask. There was nothing to say. There was nothing to do. There was nothing to do.
And in those moments where there was nothing to do, nothing to say, nothing that could be communicated, but love, but energy. Those were the most important conversations I’ve ever had in my life. I knew without a doubt that our souls were communicating, regardless of what was actually happening in the moment. I wasn’t trying to get anywhere. I wasn’t trying to do anything. And I wasn’t trying to make anything happen. I just wanted to be present and communicate love.
And we might think that, oh, what a gift that I could give him this experience of love. But actually, it’s what he gave me. He gave me a bigger gift than I know he could ever imagine in those exchanges, in those moments of presence, in those moments where he chose to get on the phone, even though he couldn’t talk, even though he chose to get on the phone and just be present with me. And that was the biggest gift I could have gotten.
What does this have to do with you? And what does this have to do with your business and your Magic?
What if you didn’t have to say nearly as much? What if what you’re off offering was 90% about energy and 10% about words?
What if you could get out of your head a little bit and maybe be less strategic? And by the way, recovering engineer here, strategy is one of my gifts. But what if you could get out of your head and be less strategic and be more present? Be more present and be more potent energetically. What would that do? What would that do if you stopped trying to figure out if they hear this, they’ll do this. If they get this, then they’ll do this, and they’ll be this, and you just said, “What if I exchange love and I trust they’ll notice?”
What if I cue my Magic? One of the magics is called Compassion Magic, which is all about healing with love. What if I cue my Magic and they’ll feel it? What if I use my Magic? One of the Magics is Recognition, which has to do with picking up patterns and making connections. What if I stopped trying to explain the way I made the connections and just started being as if what I see as true? What would that do for me, energetically?
This is just the tip of the iceberg of this conversation. This is work we do on the mat with our clients. Because the default, doing, fixing, solving, being, hustling, those things, they want to take over, and they are intense. On the mat with our clients, we really support people in letting go of all of those things that we put in the way as a shield to look good. To sound good, to say the right thing.
And we let that down and we practice being present and seeing what is. Trusting. Trusting your clients to go with you. If you jump 10 steps, that they’ll get it. Because they’re the hero in their own life. There’s so many ways this manifests; it’s very, very personal. I would love to hear, where have you seen your energy communicate louder than words? Where are you caught in the doing? And the hustling and the saying and the fixing and the striving, rather than the being and bringing the healing presence.
Let me know in the comments below. Please click the button to subscribe. If you got value from this video, I would love it if you share. We are new here with this YouTube channel, and I would love to keep building. Thank you so much for who you are in the world, and we’ll see you soon.
More Articles You Might Like
Interacting Without Impact: How This Affect Your Sales By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and...
Who Has Time to Play? By Olivia Florian It's so easy to be swept in the momentum of the thinking...
Two Approaches to Group Coaching Programs By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the...