You wouldn’t believe what happened to allow me to start my business.

Kimmi (my wife) and I made a BIG decision recently.

We are SO EXCITED about our decision we can hardly stand it.

In fact, we look at each other at least three times a day and say, “I’m SOOOOOO excited!!!” Which is truly unusual as we are both naturally calm energies.

Yet as excited as we are, there’s been one ‘problem.’

We’ve made our decision, however, there are others involved in the results of the decision, and we are now in the position of waiting on them. Other people must do things to support our decision, and other people need to decide things to fulfill on our decision. And other people are often on their own timeline.

So we wait.

Have you ever been in this position? Knowing you’ve decided how something will unfold, and then waiting to see the actual unfoldment?

Perhaps you’ve decided to create and offer a new program, and you see the vision so clearly, then when you begin to offer it you go through a whole range of emotions as people either say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and you are waiting to see whether it will fill.

Or maybe you’ve gotten clear about something in your relationship, but you are waiting to see if the other person is going to get on board in the way you envision.

Or you are SO EXCITED about a new opportunity (relationship, job, etc.) but there is a natural process of unfolding on both sides that will allow you to know if it is the right fit.

(These are all things I’ve seen happening with people around me the last few weeks).

So what happens in the waiting period? No really, what happens, specifically, for you? Where do you go in your mind, your heart, your thoughts?

It’s different for everyone, but I find that most people in this waiting period will have a hard time holding the energy and the vision of the initial decision. I’ll share about my journey in the ‘gap’ period here in the event you may go to similar places.

(If you notice something different happens for you, reply and let us know about it!)

Here’s where my default energy takes me: SURVIVING TIME.

I discovered this insight and I share about it in more depth on my podcast episode here: And Then I Got Arrested.

See, when I was a young kid my parents divorced. My mom worked quite a lot and I would get shuffled from place to place as a result. I would go to my grandma’s at times, then my dad’s, then one aunt then the next then the next.

I was rarely kept informed of the plan. Whether it was that the adults charged with my care didn’t think it was important to communicate with kids at that time, or if they simply didn’t know where I would be going next, I never knew how many hours or days I would be in a place before being transferred.

The energy and environment at each place was quite different – especially mom’s side vs. dad’s side. Some places felt more nurturing than others. There were fun aunts and crazy aunts, and places where no child should ever be allowed.

I have a clear memory of removing old joints from roach clips to use the clips as hair accessories while my dad and his buddies were passed out on the couches around me. (This house was later burned down b/c one of them fell asleep with a lit cigarette on one of those couches — thankfully I was not there for that.)

Within this total lack of control, and limited information I received about my circumstances, I developed a way of being I have come to call ‘surviving time.’

And because some places were just not a good fit for me and my sensitive soul, I developed a habit within me of energetically and emotionally waiting to get to the next thing. Yet because the waiting has been so painful for me – reminding me of my out-of-controllness – I would ensure that I stay busy so as not to be with that feeling that shows up for me around waiting.

So there I would be, both anxiously awaiting the next thing, while staying super busy with doing things I can control so as not to have to feel the waiting. I was both actively controlling what I could externally, while feeling victimized internally at the same time.

Those of us who study energy know that this is a recipe for embedding anxious and confused energy into all the doing and creating a host of unwelcomed results!

When I first discovered this and began my healing process around it, I attracted a huge opportunity to sit and be and wait. I got to practice simply being with myself and my lack of control. I got to embrace DOING NOTHING without wishing that it could be another way. I got to experience that nothing indeed went ‘wrong’ when I wasn’t doing anything to control the situation.

I got to play with the power of my energy and intention to influence things that I truly had no control over. And I got to deepen my trust that spirit is guiding it all.

That experience has expanded my ability to BE WITH so many more things. And if you don’t know this yet from following me, this is my core premise for what it takes to be an amazing transformational leader – continuing to expand what you can be present with, without trying to fix or change it. (We do this work over HERE).

So that was all such a beautiful and amazing (and challenging!) Sourced Experience™ which has allowed me to move to a whole other level of space-holding.

Yet lo and behold, as if I thought I had mastered it, in came this most recent decision to help me integrate my new energy at an even deeper level.

I am beyond excited about the outcome I envision and I know to be mine with our recent decision (this or something better). And I am also staying present with all of the feelings I have around waiting for the outcome to unfold in reality, recognizing that while this relates to a specific personal decision, the beingness translates to all areas of my business. This is a growth experience!

Last week we got some news about one of the pieces of the process I’m in waiting about which REMINDED me how much I am not in control. (Think of this as CONTRAST. I call this a Sourced Experience!)

I had a moment of wanting to default to my old pattern, which would look like either obsessively thinking about and planning out alternatives i.e. DOING something, OR numbing out and doing nothing and hoping for it to be over quickly, or a combination of the two. (These patterns generally come as opposite ends of the same coin, or what I call the Old Tired Path™).

Neither of these options are Sourced™.

They are old default energies that no longer work for where I’m going.

So I stepped off the path and created something new.

I began to get as present as possible to how I was actually feeling.

I spoke with Kimmi and shared about how I was feeling.

I spoke with others involved and shared how I was feeling.

I began to remember that I am a creative being who has total power over my energy and intention. (When we are triggered into the old pattern we quickly forget that!)

And I began to focus my energy and intention on the outcome that I know is for me.

And I immediately saw how this was yet another opportunity for me to reinvent my way of being around time and waiting. I instantly began to enjoy the process of sending love energy into the ‘gap,’ feeling all the good feelings associated with everything working out perfectly, and creating joyful games around how I could spread that love to all involved.

Because after all, the true ‘win’ in life is not getting the result but feeling good along the journey.

The whole path of living Sourced™ is remembering our right to feel good when our ego-mind would otherwise sneak in and have us forget.

And as I practice this week in the gap, I am restored to my divine vibration of joy and peace and playful adventure.

Some questions to ponder:

1. How do you show up in the gap?
2. What is your relationship to time and how is it serving or stressing you?
3. What pattern could you clarify and step away from as a result of this awareness?

Helpful resources to further this conversation:

Unlocking Your Relationship To Time: Free Meditation to gain insight around the questions above: CLICK HERE.