Dependent versus Independent – Two Sides of the Same Coin
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

The Old Tired Path is a default energy pattern running the show for us and can get in the way of our business and life. If you want a more detailed explanation of the Old Tired Path, check out the first video in this series, The Old Tired Path. I have crowdsourced these Old Tired Paths from my clients who have lived through them. 

Let’s dive right in. This one is common among entrepreneurs in our space who want to live a life of ultimate freedom, not be tied down, have flexibility, and have financial freedom. 

Dependent/Trapped vs. Independent/Free

The Old Tired Path is always based on a past and trying to control the future. It is how we try to avoid being a certain way to prevent a pain we have experienced in the past or saw someone else experience in the past. It’s the thought of “I’m not going to be like that,” or “I’m not going to let that happen to me.”

Let’s say you are a human in a woman’s body, and you were raised by a very dependent or trapped mother. Maybe she didn’t have financial freedom or played the stereotypical mother role at home. Or perhaps you had a parent who told you, “don’t ever depend on anyone else.” You judged those experiences and decided that you would be independent and free when you grew up.

This now becomes a filter through which you see life. You live your life thinking; if I focus on being independent and free, I’m free! I will have the life that I want. But if you focus on being independent and free to avoid being dependent and trapped, you are not free. They are both of the same energy. They are opposite sides of the same coin. 

What does independence look like?

If you want to be independent and free, here are some words you may experience. You may find it hard to commit to one thing. You might insist on doing whatever you want. You feel trapped once you commit to something, so avoid it and commit to nothing. You like to keep your options open. You do everything yourself because you don’t like depending on others to do it for you. Avoiding dependence can be a barrier when you are looking to hire support. You don’t ask for help so you can make all the choices on your own. In the end, you may feel alone and disconnected. 

What does dependence look like?

You try to live freely and instead create a space where you are trapped. Eventually, you will begin to feel trapped by living so independently and doing everything yourself, especially in your business. You will feel trapped by the very business you created to create freedom. 

When you feel trapped, you may feel needy, tied down (by a person, situation, or financially), under tremendous pressure, or even in resistance; you may feel angry, helpless, alone, and isolated.

Take a step back and look at both sides of this spectrum. The reality is, they are the same. The more we try to be independent, we end up feeling trapped by insisting on being independent and not ever relying on anyone or anything else. The judgment of I don’t want to be dependent, or the fear of being trapped is trapping you.

The fear of being trapped is trapping you. Does this resonate?

If this sounds like you, let’s see what we can do to shift the field. 

First, you want to be present to the impact of this Old Tired Path on your business and in your life. If this is landing for you, I encourage you to take a minute, pull out your journal, and write your version on the Old Tired path. 

What has trying to be independent and free and avoiding being dependent and trapped done in your life? What is the impact? We cannot shift a pattern until we are present to the impact. There is a whole other way to live that has nothing to do with being independent or free, but we will not make a change until we are present to our Old Tired Path. 

Up until now, not being dependent or trapped was more important to you that stepping off your Old Tired Path and living life in your way. So you have stayed on this Old Tired Path. 

When the impact becomes greater than the fear of stepping off your Old Tired Path, possibilities will present themselves.

Side note: this is not the easiest thing to do. You most likely developed this habit before the age of seven, so be kind to yourself. To step off this path will feel risky. There has to be an internal commitment to make that shift. 

Take a minute to get present to that. Once you are, let’s take the next step. Here is the magic question:

If you were no longer concerned about this, if it wasn’t a badge of honor to be independent or a shame to be dependent, what would that make available?

If freedom or dependence didn’t exist, who would you be instead? If you moved to a new planet and asked the aliens that greeted you, “hey, I like to be independent. Is that cool here?” and they responded, “I don’t know what you are talking about.” If those concepts didn’t exist, who would you be?

Who would I be if independence vs. dependence or being trapped didn’t exist? I would connect based on play. The energy I am getting for myself is playful and connected. That is how I like to do life these days, so this is resonating for me.

If you are a service-based entrepreneur and want to play with us in your Sourced energy, develop your business model, and learn techniques where you not only step off your Old Tired Path but also create a space for your clients to step off theirs, I invite you to join us for our upcoming Sourced Magic Business cohort beginning on April 19. 

Sourced Magic Business is an eight-week group experience that helps you shift your energy field and helps you design a business that invites your clients to do the same.

Selfish vs. Generous
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

Welcome to my training series on the Old Tired Path. I will be reviewing the most common Old Tired Paths among heart-centered service-based entrepreneurs who are putting themselves out there and committed to transformation in the world and raising the planet’s consciousness by guiding people to be more aligned with their truth. 

The truth is that we are all Sourced, and we are all divine beings with a purpose. When we live in alignment with our Sourced energy, or who we came here to be, we come alive and magnetize the results we want. When we live Sourced, we live life in flow rather than fear. Life becomes Sourced, not forced. 

The Old Tired Path is an energy pattern that we have as default energy that we experience life through. It keeps us stuck, shuts down possibilities, and prevents us from living our most Sourced life. The first Old Tired path was one of the first I became aware of. I recognized it before I even had a phrase for this energy pattern. 

Selfish vs. Generous

Take a minute to tune in. Does the thought of being selfish or being perceived as selfish make you cringe? Does your stomach contract? Do your shoulders hunch over? Does this happen at the idea of someone thinking of you as selfish?

Let’s break it down. I remember early on in my transformational journey; when I was first learning about how my way of being was affecting my life results, I was terrified of being perceived as selfish. I remember my mom talking about people who put themselves first. 

There was a woman I used to babysit for who I loved to hang out with. She was so present and there for me. My mom would say things that suggested that the way that woman was doing life was not okay. She wasn’t constantly cleaning or tending to her family like my mom was. I learned that whatever you do, don’t be selfish. I still remember my mom saying, “I do everything for you kids!” This was a common phrase heard in my house. I learned selfish is bad and doing everything for other people (being generous) is good. I committed myself to never being selfish; therefore, I was always doing everything for others. 

After I started working with and studying transformation, I noticed that my commitment to being generous, or rather my interest in being/looking generous, made me selfish anyway. 

Let me explain. When you live on the Old Tired Path, whether or not you are trying not to be selfish or trying to be generous, it all ends with the same outcome. It’s all the same energy.  

Before becoming an entrepreneur, I never wanted to be or look selfish. I would say yes whenever someone asked me to do something. Whether volunteering for a cause or accompanying someone to an event, I felt like I couldn’t say no because they would feel bad or wouldn’t like me. So I would say yes. 

Here is what would happen. When I said yes to everything, I would get sick or overwhelmed to a point where I couldn’t manage,  or something would go wrong. It would completely break down. I would frantically need to ask for help to meet my commitments; I would say no last minute, not do a good job, and ultimately let people down.  

Even though I was working from this place of trying to be generous, I would be selfish anyway. Being selfish vs. being generous is only one example of the Old Tired Path and all the same energy. When you try not to be something, you manifest it in your life. 

I lived with the filter of; you cannot be selfish; you have to do everything for others to be a good person, and if you ever do anything for yourself, you are a bad person. I had the filter instilled in me where I judged and assessed everything from a place of selfish vs. generous. I was not free.

A good transformational leader can create an experience where their client becomes present to their Old Tired Path. I teach how to facilitate this experience with my clients at Sourced. Our clients become present to the impact of this path and understand that this path was inherited. I avoided being selfish and was selfish anyway. My mom most likely learned that in her childhood too. 

The truth is it is not the truth. When I got present to my Old Tired Path, and it was validated, I had another choice. When I became willing to step off my Old Tired Path, I got to ask myself this question: If my Old Tired Path did not exist, who would I get to be instead? 

Another way I love to ask this question – If you went to another planet where the concepts of selfish and generous did not exist, what would that make available to you? That is the new energy that comes when you step off the Old Tired Path.

Take a moment, take a few breaths and ask yourself – if selfish and generous were imaginary, what would be available? Who would you get to be?

Words that come to mind with me are joyful, playful, free, and I felt spontaneous and alive.  

What’s your version? What’s the new Sourced energy off the Old Tired Path that comes alive for you?

The Old Tired Path
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

Welcome to my new training series, the Old Tired Path. 

What is the Old Tired Path? Why do we use it? What can it do for you in your work with your clients? 

I have crowdsourced the most common Old Tired Paths from my clients and will be examining them in this five-part training series. I’m going to break them down for you so you can not only recognize them for yourself, but you can start to recognize them in your clients as well. 

A few years ago, I was leading a retreat, and I found myself drawing this two-sided arrow on my flip chart as I was working with a client. I wanted to show my clients and help them see in black and white how their belief system or energy pattern was limiting them from being free to live their lives. 

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As I began organically working with this concept, I discovered something super interesting. As I was drawing, I found myself writing what my client said they were trying not to be or judging themselves for on one side. Then we looked at the opposite side and wrote what my client was supposedly striving to be. I now call it the Old Tired Path, and I’ve been teaching and using this tool ever since. 

The Old Tired Path is one of the tools I train our Certified Sourced Leaders in. They are certified to use in their work, and I have found it very helpful. We will be working with this concept in several different scenarios in the coming weeks. 

What is the Old Tired Path?

When we try to be something and try not to be something, we are stuck. We are stuck going back and forth from this thing and that thing, and all we can see is the entire world through this filter. This is the Old Tired Path. When we’re on the Old Tired Path, the rest of the world that’s not on that path becomes unavailable to us. When we’re there, we’re limiting the way we live our life.

Why Would You Want to Know This? 

At Sourced, we work with coaches, consultants, creatives, and healers to market sell, and deliver deep transformation with their magical gifts. The Old Tired Path is one of the tools we use to help our clients understand the process of transformation.

At Sourced, we highlight how our clients with their magic and/or hold space for transformation are not separate from their business model and/or marketing. The way transformation works is the way transformation works.

Our clients come to us with all kinds of tools and modalities. They come to us with everything from EFT tapping, massage, Reiki, to mindset coaching and embodiment work. No matter the modality, how transformation works, and how you guide your client to the truth will be the same.

The Old Tired Path is a tool that helps clients see, own, and embrace their truth. This is based on some kind of lie from the past. I call it the Small T Truth. Sometime in the past, something happened, and your client decided to view the world with a particular filter. They continue to go back and forth, from end to end, limiting what was possible for them. 

When you design your business to understand where in your model, it is appropriate to help your clients see the truth (or where it is not appropriate), it becomes time to use a tool like this. When you discern and pinpoint what’s really going on with your client’s Small T Truth they once believed, then your client will be so ready, so committed, and won’t be able to wait to see the truth! 

That is when it becomes an aha moment. This becomes the moment your client will remember for the rest of their life. They will remember when this thing that was hidden from their view came into view. They will remember when they decided to either let it go or reintegrate it in a whole new way. They will remember the time they were able to finally step off the Old Tired Path and into a whole new world of possibility. 

In the coming weeks, I will be sharing specific examples of the Old Tired Path. For now, please think about what might be a filter or a way that you are judging and assessing life repeatedly that might be limiting you?