Saying No Without Making It Wrong
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

Have you ever felt like you needed to wait until you were ready until you were total “on” to show up for your business or your marketing?

I want to tease out a new concept that might spark something for you.

I want to talk about the three signs that this might be happening.

The Three Signs

First, you are experiencing a kind of love/hate or a push/pull relationship with bringing in new clients. On the one hand, you want to welcome in more clients because you love what you do.

There’s also this sense that as I add more clients, that’s more of my time that I have to be on when I’m working with them. It might feel heavy, or you have some resistance; even though you’d like more cash flow coming into your business, who doesn’t?

Second, you have had this thought in your mind, I need a sabbatical, and I need to go away and heal. Once I get it all sorted out, and it’s perfectly in alignment, then I can do my business.

Third, you are continually delaying your launch.
Maybe you are doing a program launch with affiliates, and you’re thinking I’m not quite ready to start inviting people yet, or I need to record that automated webinar, and I want to wait until it’s a perfect time and I’m feeling great.

So it keeps getting pushed out.

If we were in a room together, I’d ask you to raise your hand if any of these things speak to you.

If you raised your hand, this idea of “on” might be the death of your Magic.

What is your Magic?

Let’s establish what your Magic is. Your Magic is this inner knowing guided by Sourced that helps you know your unique path in this life. It shows up when you work with clients and help them transform.

Do you know what your Magic is? Take our Magic Quiz to find out!

Your Sourced Magic is available to you at all times, whether you are “on” or not. Please let that sink in. Your Sourced Magic is available to you at all times, whether you are “on” or not.

We are taught throughout our lives that when we show up for others, we have to be “on”; we have to perform. We have to get a good grade; we have to give the most fantastic speech. We live in this world of comparison, so we feel like we’re at risk of failure if we’re not “on.”

So we wait until we’re ready to compete, and be better than, and be “on.” Here’s what happens – we give all of our best stuff to everybody else, and we’re never on or showing up for ourselves.

Would you please think of the consequence of this? Per this way of thinking, whenever I’m “on,” I have to perform, and if I’m off, I can give myself a break. If you recognize this pattern in yourself, you may create a lot of opportunities to be sick so that you can have a break.

Three Actions You Can Take to Bring the Magic Back

First, show up. Consider that your Magic comes alive when in connection to others. Showing up doesn’t mean you’re perfect when in connection with others it means you are real when in connection with others.

If you’re a healer, coach, or any leader, you are in a relationship with your client, and when you show up (even if you’re off), your stuff moves out of the way, and your inner knowing comes through.

So if you feel like you have to wait until you’re “on” to connect with people and to show up, or do that thing, the Facebook Live, the YouTube video, or unwritten blog, is going to keep getting delayed and keep getting delayed.

I have found that showing up and connecting with people exactly as I am, and engaging my energy with theirs, brings me to the clarity I need for whatever action I want to take in my business every single time.

Second, your Magic is always going to lead you to the right place. Your inner knowing is not going to have you show up somewhere that you’re not ready for.

Know when your Magic, or inner knowing says, “Go live on Facebook!” it’s not possible that you’re not ready. You simply have some preconceived idea of how you’ve always shown up that you think is the “right way.” That’s what you’re waiting for, and that’s why you continue to delay.

The people who watch you need you exactly how you are now, not the perfect version of you that may exist somewhere down the line.

There’s a phrase that I have been teaching in my retreat and Grow Rich work called “earn while you learn.” That comes from the idea that your Magic will always lead you to the right place. To earn while you learn means to take the step precisely as you are without waiting until you know everything or until you feel like you’re “on.”

Finally, consider this. What if your “off” is enough? I had an experience a few years ago where I got some upsetting personal news right before I had a retreat, and I had 16 people coming in from all over the world to retreat with me.

This news put me on the floor, and I had to show up and lead. Here’s how I handled it. I said to myself, “Okay, who you are in the world, who you’ve become, all of the work you’ve done, and your energy is going to be enough to carry this container.”

I had to trust my body, trust my vibration, trust the vibration that is integrated into my being, even though my mind was distracted. And it was.

What if your “off” were enough?

What to Do Instead

What if, instead, when you’re feeling on, that’s the time you give to yourself? What if you give your creative process your best time? What if you give your self-care your best time? What if you wake up and think, ‘I am feeling my best, I’m going to go for a hike in nature, commune with nature, and feed my soul even more.

Imagine what your world would be like if that were true? What if you didn’t have to wait until you were sick to nurture yourself? What if you could give yourself the best?

I’d love to hear how this is resonating with you. How have you experienced the need to be “on” versus showing up even when you’re off?

Saying No Without Making It Wrong
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

Can you say no, without making someone or something wrong? 

I’ve been noticing this phenomenon. First, I saw it in myself because I decided to say no to something, which was a big decision in my life. As I mentioned in my last video about trusting the energy energetically, I knew it was wrong for me. 

I knew I was a no, and other people thought I should be a yes and tried to talk me into all the reasons why this yes was a good thing.  Here’s what I watched happen. Instead of just saying no and moving on, I found myself saying no and then expending a whole lot of energy, thinking about it, analyzing it, and asking myself, did I do the right thing? 

Others felt like I should say yes, and I felt like I had to find reasons they were wrong so I could feel good in my No. Think about a time when you’ve done that. Maybe it’s an opportunity that you don’t want to take; maybe you’re stepping back from a role, and you know, that’s what’s right for you. But to give yourself permission to say no, you start to analyze all the reasons that that role is wrong. Or that that situation never served you anyway. 

Here’s what happens when we do that. We bring all this negative energy into our experiences of the past. Just because something’s a no for you now doesn’t mean all of the choices that you’ve made were wrong. 

There was a time I was working with a coach who helped me so much. It was an awesome experience, and I learned so much. And then I got to the point where I just knew it was complete. I knew what I needed from that person I had gotten and that staying wasn’t serving me anymore, even though it was amazing. 

The tendency I noticed was to find more and more reasons why it didn’t work well or why I was right and then make the other person wrong. 

It wasn’t because I wanted the other person to be wrong. It was because that was the only way I knew how to leave. You can only leave when it becomes toxic, and you can only leave when there’s something wrong.  

Can you think of a place where that’s happened for you? If so, journal about that. What was the cost of going in and making it wrong? Can you go back now and shift the energy about something in the past? Can you go back now and make it right? 

If you can’t think of something, pay attention this next week because I started to see it in lots of little places. How much time and energy are you spending making things wrong? And what is that doing to your energy field to be in that space?

Trust the Energy
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

I’m back here in my office after a summer of travel. I’m so excited that I will be recording a whole new series of videos based on what I learned. I will be covering business-oriented topics and stories from my world, where I have had to trust the energy to shift the field. 

For those of you who are transformational leaders, you know what I mean. It’s time for Transforming Out Loud Season once again!

Last week, I hosted a retreat with a small group of clients who are graduates of our programs, who came to practice their magic and trust the energy. 

The retreat’s theme was Trust the Energy or Energy Dynamics, and we had lots of opportunities to practice. That’s what makes retreats so amazing. When you come together live, you really get to have the experience and the immediate feedback of your perception of energy. 

That’s the kind of stuff we do, especially at a high level on our retreats. We go deep, quickly, and we create a safe container. We’re able to experience things and see how other people experienced the same things to get a sense and validate the energy in your body. 

I had an experience this summer where I became obsessed with trust. All I could think about was, can I trust? Can I trust again? Will I be able to trust this person, this situation, etc. 

One of the best decisions I ever made, and continue to make over and over again, is to work with coaches who understand the dynamics of energy. They aren’t just speaking to the head and the circumstances but understanding the dynamics of energy. 

My coach said to me, ‘what if you never had to worry about trust? What if you never had to worry about trusting someone again? 

I said, ‘okay, say more? 

She continued, ‘What if your job wasn’t to figure out if you could trust someone, a person, or a situation, but rather trust the universe, and trust, the energy and how it feels in your body? 

I  sat with that and thought, ‘Well, of course, I trust the universe. That’s kind of what I do. But I was being invited to trust the universe at a deeper level. It was like I was trusting the universe, but I was also figuring everything out at the same time. 

Have you ever done that? 

So the invitation was to trust the universe. One of the things my coach said was, ‘all you have to do is show up in the moment and see how you feel in the moment in your body. Think about that. Think about if you never had to figure out if you could trust someone or if you’re doing the right thing. 

All you have to do is show up in the moment and trust that the universe will give you what you need to respond. Then notice how you feel in your body in response to what’s happening, or the circumstance, or person or opportunity, etc.

I know for a lot of you, you might be saying ‘but I don’t know how to tell how I feel in my body.  I get it, and we have curriculums about that because people don’t know how they feel in their bodies. That’s why we practice. That’s why we become Sourced leaders. Trusting the energy is not something we instantly do because we’re trained out of knowing how to show up in the moment, feel how we feel in our body, and trust the energy.

We’re trained to override our inner knowing in favor of pleasing our parents or our teachers, etc. Showing up in the moment, and trusting the energy is an advanced practice. I made a decision to practice showing up in the moment, and trusting the energy.

I have to tell you; the universe had my back.  I didn’t have to figure anything out. Time after time, the universe presented to me the circumstances, the people, and bits of information that my body and my energy field could respond to, and then I could discern the truth. 

I never had to sit and figure out whether I could trust; I never had to fix anything about myself. Granted, I have done a lot of work to be able to actually show up and hear it. 

Imagine if that were true for you. I want you to think about how you would hold your business differently. How would you hold your relationships or the leadership of your team differently? 

If you knew all you had to do is show up and trust that the universe would deliver the perfect circumstances, for people to behave in the perfect way to show you exactly what you need to know, to make the decision. 

Then we have to trust it. Sometimes we feel it, but it might feel familiar. And we think that that feels good. But that’s not true. Just because energy feels familiar doesn’t mean it feels good in your body. That’s where the practice comes in. 

What’s it been like for you on your journey of learning? Do you trust the energy? Do you trust that you will notice it, to sense it, to feel it and to make decisions based on that without having to explain yourself to anyone? I would love to hear? 

How to Know When Someone is Telling Their Truth
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

I want to start by sharing a little story. Those of you who have taken any of my retreat programs know that it’s always great, to begin with, a story. Everybody’s arriving; you can get settled; you can get relaxed into the space, get connected. And I thought, well, what’s the story? What’s the story today? And I immediately thought, Well, why not tell the story about why I wrote this book.

And as I was thinking about the story of why I wrote this book, I realized that it’s many years in the making. Retreat and Grow Rich was my first book. I had been teaching the curriculum for a long time, and I knew I wanted to write something that would be easy (because I know it so well), I knew it works, and I knew it would make a difference for people.

When I sat down to think, what is the story about why I wrote this book? It is a story called how I became a fanatic about Truth. At the heart of my book is the Anatomy of a Transformation and at the heart of that is Truth. 

It’s the stage where your client receives Truth.

In 1999, I was working as an engineer at Procter and Gamble. Things were going well. I was in my twenties. I felt really cool. I had this big job, and I loved it. Then I was selected to be trained as a coach. There were twenty of us who were selected for this training. I was a Senior Engineer at the time.

In this training, we were learning to help facilitate good working relationships. If two people started working together, and they had what they called ‘social distance’, we would sit down and meet with them and help them to identify if there were any judgments they had about each other, and we had to be aware of our judgments.

We did an exercise that was called The Fishbowl. In the Fishbowl, there are twenty of us in a circle of chairs. One by one, we went into the center of the circle. We had to tell our story about our judgments about gender, race, sexual orientation, and age. Everybody outside the circle would give you thumbs up if they thought you were telling the Truth or a thumbs down if they did not.

I want you to imagine that here I am. I’m 20-something. I have a pretty strong armor in life. I am right. I am smart. I have a good job. I’m a badass, and nobody fuck with me. Right? That’s what was in my head at the time. It was where I was. And I was nice and sweet. I love people, and they loved me. You know, all of the things. 

But I was so hurt in my heart of hearts that I never wanted anybody to look within and see my Truth. I had this idea of what it took for me to be okay in life. That was how I was going about life.

The night before I knew it was my turn to be in the center of the circle I landed myself in the emergency room.  My body literally started breaking down because I was so terrified to be in front of people and speak my Truth.

I didn’t want to see the things that were true and I definitely didn’t want to speak about it. So I ended up in the emergency room. But I made it. I sat in The Fishbowl and I told my story. I shared things that I had never even realized were affecting me. Because up until that point, my opinion was, I was fine.

Here’s what I learned in that experience. It’s what I often have referred to as a punch-in-the-gut moment. 

What I learned is: we can tell when someone’s telling the Truth. When we’re really present, and we’re paying attention, everybody on the outside would give a thumbs up or a thumbs down. If people weren’t telling the Truth, they had to kind of dig deeper, and they had to go back to their story and really look at what was it that really happened in that moment. 

It was like I discovered water or air! I’m looking around at people like, ‘why are you not so excited? Why isn’t anybody telling us this? That if we align with our Truth, everything works!

I could suddenly see this everywhere! I could see the way we were conditioning our kids to be a particular way, as opposed to tuning in and learning and trusting their own Truth. All of a sudden, I could see it everywhere.

So I’m curious. I’d love to hear a little bit from people down below, who has had an experience like this?

Webinars for Transformation
By Darla LeDoux, Founder of Sourced™ and Author of the books Shift The Field and Retreat and Grow Rich

Have you ever been told you should do a webinar and you couldn’t figure out how the beautiful transformational work you love to do translates to this masculine, sterile structure? You probably pictured a PowerPoint slides strategy that kind of makes you want to cringe?

It’s a little bit different than what you might get if you’ve ever downloaded a free slide deck. I’ve actually seen them called pitch deck templates, which is so not feminine and so doesn’t feel Sourced. 

 You’ve tried to fit your work into these beautiful little bullet points and reverse engineering your offer and all of those things. And it just hasn’t felt right.

Now, here’s what I want you to know. I have done traditional webinars. I totally understand them, I may do them again, at some point, because there are times where it’s just really perfect. What you’re offering has a clear structure and/or framework. There are a few steps that you’re selling and you are able to highlight them in the webinar. You give little snippets of the WHAT, but not the HOW, and THEN you offer the how at the end for your program.

That is a great use of a webinar. Sometimes you might use the points of your webinar to paint a picture of the problem the client has, and then, of course, your offer helps to solve it. That can be really great as well. When you love transformation, and you want to help your client, you want to invite your client into a journey of deep inner work. Sometimes it feels like those bullet points just don’t quite fit the bill.

I worked with a client on this recently, where we looked at what is it? What is the program she wants to offer? You want to get really clear about where you’re leading people. Use your magic to tune in to this program or this offer to get a sense of what it is and how it wants to show up. I’ll have my clients tune into the energy of it.

If you haven’t taken the Sourced Magic Quiz, you can take it here.

Maybe your magic is going to give you a word or an expression or a theme about the offer that you’re actually making. You want to ask yourself, How do I help someone in an hour, in a webinar, to become committed to doing the work available in this program? What do they need to know be aware of or be present to in order to say yes to the program?

That’s the first piece. Then you want to tune in, and ask your soul and ask your expertise,  “How do I help my client get to the place that they need to be to say yes to the program?” 

YOU are an expert at the work you do and what you’re offering in this program. Let it be a creative process. I have a past client who used to say, “love up your marketing.” Give yourself creative space. 

If you’re a Sensation Magician, maybe you dance and you feel it. It comes through you physically – to know what you want them to experience. Then you have to figure out how to translate that.

If you are an Expansion Magician, maybe you journal and you say, ‘Gosh, if there were no limits, what would I want them to know? If there were no limits to that, how would I want them to know this? If there were no limits, what would I want them to do?” 

If you’re Recognition Magician and you get a lot of visuals, you might do a visualization to say ‘show me how to help them become aware of what they need to become aware of to say yes to this program.’ 

A lot of times when our clients do this, what comes forward is some kind of experience they want their client to have. We work with a lot of retreat leaders. They love experiences. So it could be a visualization or an activity or a journal exercise. Sometimes it’s actually a physical thing like doing something with magazines or painting – something very creative and experiential.

It’s the experience that’s going to help them discover if they really want to solve this problem. How important is it to them to solve this problem? That’s what you’re having them discover in this webinar.

So now, your webinar does not look like four bullet points and a stodgy slide deck – it is now an experience. That’s great. 

Now is the important part. How do you create the context for that experience? And how do you debrief that experience? You want them really looking at what is going on in their life, in their business, in their sex life, and their health. What is really going on now that they want this experience, have them get really real about it, encourage people to share about it, and let it get vulnerable.

By the way, even before this, you’re creating the context of your own experience with this thing so YOU’RE getting vulnerable so THEY can get vulnerable before you even have the experience. If you’re not doing this, then the experience is just an exercise that’s going to be interesting for them. But it’s not going to have the impact you are looking for.

You want to then debrief the experience. You’ve got to debrief it so they can get a lot of juice out of what they just experienced and they get to experience that having your eye on what they’re experiencing. That adds value. That support of your coaching, your magic, adds value to what they could have figured out on their own. It’s this piece that you’re bringing in your container that’s so important. It also helps them feel safe in the community if you’re offering something that’s a group program.

You’re here to help them get clear about their commitment to doing the work. And then to get clear about their commitment to doing the work with YOU. And that is the purpose of this thing that we might call a webinar, that doesn’t have to have slides. It doesn’t have to have five bullet points and an offer in a structured way. Then you need to spend 10 to 15 minutes on your offer.

You need to be really confident and excited and happy about your offer. And that’s a whole other video. But I hope this is helpful. 

This is where you want to get Sourced. You want to be able to tune in to your own inner- knowing of who your client is, what it is that they need, and what the actual awareness is they need to have in order to take the next step.